Gay and psychology question ,doctors only please !?

physically, my question is why should i ever let any thing larger than what comes out of my but go in to my but,like on the web pages letting some black African man 30 36 years difference in age put his dick penis up his *** ,it was on the gay twinks web page with a dick larger than the duct work in the ceiling fan in my bathroom,******* this auburn hair like jesus kid and to me it is sicker and crazier than i am.is there any logical explanation you can give me as to why people let this happen to there buts.please help me under stand doctor PHD only please respond to this question as openly as humanely possible.I am gay so please don't tell me this a homophobic reaction or tell me i am prejudice, i am gay ! ,not practicing 15 1/2 years know,and scared straight.i cant Stand the fist **** ,please don't say i have assertive issues to deal with expressing my feelings needs and attitudes.please help me with this emotional mind hard ship.was he the one that is sick or in you opinion is it me.